Knife Going In
by Hushabye
Summary: Kate wants to feel something other than the invisible knife that seems to cut through her heart and pierce her stomach. She wants William. But he is indeed with another. OneShot.


_This was a random idea I had whilst listening to the song_** Knife Going In **_by Tegan and Sara. _

_Hope you enjoy!_

* * *

Kate had never really thought about it until she went back to her small forge after William won against Adhemar. _Really, truly _thought about it. Not just question it and move on. No. No more of that for her. Because every time she questioned her feelings, her mind reverted back to her deceased husband. She might have craved that before, but not now. She didn't want heartbreak anymore.

She wanted normalcy, peace, and some quiet, at least once in awhile. Maybe, possibly, even love, if only she could get that far. Kate just needed to forget the past. And her key to the present and future was, dare she ponder, dare she wonder, William.

Kate wrapped her fingers around the chair that she was about to sit upon. Her knuckles turned a ghastly, sickening white. She knew that if she gripped the innocent object any harder or any more, she would bleed.

Sighing, jagged breaths escaping through her lungs, Kate sat down and thought more. William's face and untamed blond hair appeared in her mind. She smiled and knew that thinking any more about the subject would cause her stomach and her heart to hurt of both love and misery. For even though she needed him, he already had someone else. Plus, she was just a blacksmith. His lady was a princess. Royalty.

Jocelyn.

Kate gritted her teeth. Jocelyn had caused Will so much pain and anguish. She had ordered him to prove his love by losing a tournament. His wounds had horridly snaked through his skin in long, winding, purple bruises. Scars. His arms had had red rings coiling around, all the way up to his shoulders. It had hurt for him to even wink. It had hurt Kate to even look at how he and Jocelyn stared at each other after she had had Christiana tell him to then _win _the competition. Love and lust were mixed together in their eyes.

And what was worse was when they kissed, Kate was reminded of how Jocelyn mistreated him so. How she did not deserve those lips upon her royally ungrateful ones. A splitting ache would then gallop through Kate's insides like a jousting horse. It felt like a knife. A sword, cutting her open and letting her feelings spill out like sorrow.

Kate's eyes closed. William's face was still there. But so was Jocelyn's. Their mouths were connected by the strings that so bound love together.

Kate felt the knife going in. Maybe this time, it would be enough to kill her.

* * *

The sun hit Kate's eyes and made her stir. A knot curled in the back of her neck and she hastily craned it to the side, hearing and feeling a loud _pop_. That felt better.

She looked outside and saw the beauty of nature shining through. Even the tiny cracks in her teeny workplace could not hide the burning of God's creations.

Kate glanced down only to find her feet resting against the sack of straw that she slept on, like always. She wiggled her toes and laughed. Cold moved in between them and then circulated back through the air.

When she brought her head up, she saw movement out of the corner of her eye. Quickly and acting on impulse, she let her bare feet hit the wooden floor, moving forward a little. Dirt stung the bottoms of her toes as she rounded a fragile corner, slowly but surely.

'Who in the bloody hell would sneak in here anyway? What have _they _got to hide?' she thought, shaking her head in disbelief. Maybe an animal had meandered in instead. That made more sense. She could never mistake the pitter patter of shoes, though, since they were very uncommon among the poor, so of course, someone was in her shelter. Even if it seemed unlikely.

A hunched over figure stood its ground near Kate's tools that settled on a rusty bench. Though it didn't move, she could not be fooled.

"Who's in there?" Kate outwardly asked. The body shuffled. An eye suddenly poked out from under the material it was hiding in. A black pupil stared straight at Kate, then immediately disappeared.

"I will have you arrested for trespassing, whoever you are, if you do not tell me your name," Kate said, inching toward the person. Nothing. No answer and no more movement. She decided to bargain.

"Or at least show yourself... Tell me whom you seek." That, at last, caused a tremor within the being. And a muffled, "Please. I have come here to seek help."

Kate arched her left eyebrow in confusion and asked, "Who are you?"

"If you promise to not report me, I will expose myself," instantly responded the voice. Kate told the person that she promised, and after a few moments, the figure untangled itself from the sheet.

Kate sucked in a breath as she saw who it was.

Jocelyn.

This was turning out to be a strange morning.

"Please, Kate, you must help. I do not _know _what to do... Not anymore at least," her royal highness pleaded, hobbling toward Kate. Her steps were dainty and controlled, white dress flowing about her like an angel, a long train dragging on the floor around her glowing aura. Her hair sashayed down her back and the top was done into a darkened bun.

Kate was utterly perplexed. Why did she _specifically _need _her _help? And why did she have to sneak into her forge to do so?

She was probably ashamed to be seen there. With a _peasant_. A _blacksmith_.

Kate folded her arms in a defensive manner. She asked why she oh so _needed _her help. Jocelyn looked hopeless as she said, "Because my William has lost his love, that glint he so oft gets in his eye when he holds me. It has faded, Kate... Oh, _what _shall I do?" Her eyes started to water as she glanced helplessly at her. She continued to walk toward Kate, almost, _almost _cupping her hands together in begging form.

Kate sighed. _Why_? She didn't need this now. Not in the early morn. Couldn't she just seek the help of one of her many servants, hmmm? A poor soul such as Kate couldn't possibly have the advice to guide the beautiful and rich Jocelyn.

"Why do you need _me_, though? Could you not ask one of your slaves? Maybe Christiana? Hell, why don't you go to _Geoff_? He is, after all, a _writer_," she chuckled at her weak attempt at joking and waited for Jocelyn's reply. She didn't for the longest time. And when she did, she began breaking down, about facing, then kneeling on the ground. Kate unglued herself from the wall and shuffled toward her, almost unconsciously embracing her from behind. She hated seeing _anyone _shut down like that. It reminded her of too many things she never wanted to see again.

Between hyperventilation, Jocelyn's word response finally was, "Be... be_cause_! You... you know him... _more _th-than _I_." Then, she paused as she whimpered, back quivering. Kate shushed her generously, knowing well that Jocelyn was not yet done.

Calming down as best she could, Jocelyn turned back around and glanced up at Kate. Kate stood up, seeing that she didn't need that kind of comfort at the moment. She needed her help in a verbal sense.

"And..." Jocelyn began, getting to her feet. Kate backed away as Jocelyn exhaled. Her eye twitched and tears streaked down her cheeks in streams. In lakes. Rivers. Oceans. "He... he..." Kate could tell that whatever she was about to say next was going to cause Jocelyn a mental suicide. It was truly difficult. _Genuinely_.

"... He _told _me that he..." Another sigh. And then, as she turned again the opposite way so as to not look at Kate, she said, "He is in... _love_... with _you_," she finished, blotting at her eyes with some of the silk in her dress.

Kate's immediate reaction was to raise both brows. Confusion was an understatement for her one main, immediate emotion. Flabbergasted, maybe. Maybe. She took another step backward as Jocelyn turned toward her again.

"What_ever_ shall I _do_, Kate?" Jocelyn asked, sniffling. Kate was at a loss. Speechless. _She _did not know what to do either.

"_Kate_? Won't you _speak_?" she pressed, still going toward her. Kate stared blankly at the wall. It was like the gist of her prayers had been answered in the matter of ten, fifteen minutes. Jocelyn's breakdown. Will's supposed love.

"Uhm," was all she could manage. Jocelyn wanted more, though.

"Kate, listen to me now and hear me later... It took _all_ of my willpower to share that with you and to ask of your services. _Please_... _please_ tell me what I should _do_. There was no one _else _I could have asked. They would have scoffed at my mourning... So you, Kate... _you _are my only hope... Now the least you could provide is some mere advice for a lost and broken spirit," Jocelyn begged, now cupping together both palms.

Kate glanced at her and saw the worried twinkle in her eye. She sighed, letting all of the surprises roll off in waves. She closed her eyes and did not open them until she finished her question. "Do... do you love him?"

Jocelyn's look was the look of astonishment. "Of _course _I do! Otherwise, I would not _care _that he loves another!" The last few words bit Kate like venom for whatever reason, but she continued on with her help. _If _it even helped.

"Do you think... that he will be happy... if you force him to be with you?... Do you think _you'll _be happy?" Kate questioned.

Jocelyn seemed deep in thought, but after awhile, she told Kate, "No." Her face tightened with defeat. Kate nearly reached out to give her a hug, but better judgement took control.

Kate decided to just get on with it, despite the tension, hoping that the next sentence shimmying up her vocal cords and flying out of her mouth would be enough."Then, if you want the both of you to be happy... let the thought of you two go." And if that didn't work, "If you love him, let him go... And let yourself move on to a man who always tells you that he whole-heartedly and passionately loves you." Kate squeezed her eyes shut again and opened them quickly. White lights were everywhere.

The next expression on Jocelyn's face said it all, though Kate did not want to look at her. The look in her brown irises was a painful sight.

She was unhappily satisfied.

The knife was still there, Kate realized, still nesting in her stomach, but for a different, more pitying reason.

It was almost enough to kill her.

But this time, it was a delightful sensation.

* * *

_Reviews are the sugar in my coffee! The cheese on my macaroni! The love in a relationship!... Okay, it's not as deep as the last one, but hey, it comes pretty close. :)_


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